...awake, my soul, and sing--of Him Who died for thee...

Fear gripped me, and I was suddenly awake.  My whole body was shaking and my heart and mind were racing.  I raised myself on my elbow and looked at the clock.  Two minutes till my alarm would go off.  I lay back down and tried to remember why I was scared.  Was it a dream?  Had something terrible happened?  No.  I remembered the dream--it was a little weird, but nothing scary.  I took inventory of my surroundings--all was normal, calm and quiet.  There was no reason that I could see, for the fear and trembling that woke me.  I tried to calm myself, but my mind would not be calm.  I switched off my alarm as the radio switched on.  I was left with quiet...except for a verse of song floating through my head--an old song I remembered from church as a little girl.  What’s up with that?  I had no idea where it came from.

“Crown Him with many crowns,
The Lamb upon His throne;
Hark! how the heav’nly anthem drowns
All music but its own:
Awake, my soul, and sing
Of Him who died for thee,
And hail Him as thy matchless King
Through all eternity.”

(“Crown Him With Many Crowns,” Matthew Bridges, 1851.  Music by George J. Elvey, 1868.)

I lay as still as I could, listening to the verse of song...”awake, my soul, and sing--of Him who died for thee...”  My hubby sleepily reached out and squeezed my knee and I squeezed his warm hand in return.  My heartbeat slowed into a more normal range.  I was still shaking.  It was not an auspicious start to a day, this beginning with completely irrational fear.  But I still had a day to begin, a family to care for.  There was no hiding under the warm covers till the terror passed. 

But there was this thread of hope, this directive to “do the next thing,” as Elisabeth Elliot used to say on her radio program.  “...awake, my soul, and sing--of Him who died for thee...”  So that’s what I would do.  I wrapped up in the Giant Blue Fuzzy Thing that eases the transition between my cozy bed and the cold room on winter mornings (sometimes referred to by regular people as a robe or housecoat) and stumbled out of bed on shaky legs.

Thank God for automatic timers on coffeepots.  There is nothing quite as comforting as the smell of coffee and the bubbling of the coffeepot to greet one in the morning.  Even in little things like the coffeepot, His mercies are new every morning.  I grabbed my Bible and the book by Amy Carmichael that I was reading through, for a few minutes before my family woke up and the morning quiet was shattered.

And in Amy Carmichael’s book were the most beautiful words of encouragement...

“In the night the stars shine, and beyond the Cross the love of God shines; our earthly sadness, too, will be lost in the Light of Jesus.”

“For to all the children of the Father of Lights, however shadowed life may be, there is, there will be, the light that changes all things.”
 
And then, after the quiet was shattered by the noise of my family beginning their day, our scripture reading for the morning was Psalm 103.  Some of the verses almost jumped off the page at me.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits;
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.  (verses 1-5 KJV)

“...The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.
He will not always chide; neither will he keep His anger forever.
He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward them that fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us.
Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him.
For He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust.”  (verses 8-14  KJV)

And could it be, that He loves me, and has compassion on me?  Loves me and has compassion on me like I am His child, His little girl?  And that He removed my sins as far as the east is from the west?  It can be, and it is.

So even though the anxiety is not gone...even though it is often a daily battle...He is there.
And in His love and compassion i can carry on.