...an anchor in the storm...

There is a storm raging in my mind, exhausting me.  Part of me wants to embrace the busy-ness of springtime--distractions sometimes keep the blackness at bay.  The other part of me wants solitude--sometimes it seems that the storm in my mind cannot be tolerated amidst any other activity.  But the problem with solitude is that, then, the mind can run in its own direction.  But whether in solitude or company, there is no stopping it; there is only masking the noise of the storm with “doing the next thing,” the daily activities that need to be accomplished.  And sometimes one just holds onto the side of the boat for dear life, so as not to get swept away.

I could not read much when I opened my Bible.  The words seemed to jump around the page when I tried to concentrate.  A normal day of life stretched ahead of me, looking pretty daunting.  I needed strength from somewhere, from Someone.  I put my Bible down and instead asked for “just a word” from Him for the day.  Jesus, please?  A verse?  A song?  Something to anchor my mind to, in the storm?

“Peace, be still.”

It is a line of an old song we sing from time to time, here at our house.  The song is titled, “Master, the Tempest is Raging.”  It comes from the story of Jesus calming the storm; the account of it is in the 8th chapters of the gospels of Matthew and Luke.

“And when He was entered into a ship, his disciples followed Him.  And behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea, insomuch that the ship was covered with the waves; but He was asleep.  And his disciples came to Him, and awoke him, saying, “Lord, save us;  we perish.”  And He saith unto them, “Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?  Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.  But the men marvelled, saying, “What manner of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him!”

Matthew 8:23-27

The tempest is raging, and it is beyond tiring.  A weariness of the mind and heart, for lack of a better description.  But what manner of Man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?  He alone can calm this storm.

“Master, the tempest is raging!
The billows are tossing high!
The sky is o’er-shadowed with blackness,
No shelter or help is nigh;
Carest Thou not that we perish?
How canst Thou lie asleep,
When each moment so madly is threat’ning
A grave in the angry deep?

The winds and the waves shall obey Thy will,
Peace, be still!  Peace, be still!
Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea,
Or demons, or men, or whatever it be,
No water can swallow the ship where lies
The Master of ocean and earth and skies;
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace be still!  Peace be still!
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace, peace, be still!”

-Mary A. Baker 


No storm, no waves, can swallow this ship, where lies the Master of ocean, and earth, and skies.  And I realize that, sometimes, when the wind and the waves are high, I don’t ask Him to calm my storm.  In the back of my mind, something says I deserve it...by virtue of the weakness that causes me to suffer it, maybe.  There is something about the blackness of depression that envelops the soul and whispers that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, there should be no relief of pain, no calming of the storm.  That the one who suffers it is so innately flawed that whatever he or she may suffer at the hands of this, is only a bit of what is deserved. 

And...when we try to wrap our minds around what our Lord has redeemed us from--an eternity without God--the reality is that the blackest depression, the blackest night of the soul, is not even the tip of the iceberg compared to the suffering we would endure for an eternity without Him.  So, yes, for my sin, all my suffering is deserved, and so much more.
 
But, thank God, He endured the cross and paid the price.  So, while suffering here on earth is inevitable, I do not have to pay the price for my sin.  No matter how I suffered here on earth, I could still never atone for all my sin.  I do not need to try.  Just as I asked Him to redeem me from sin, I can freely ask Him to calm the storm.

And, whatever the storms i endure here on earth, whether He sends calm sooner, or later...i can know that no waves can swallow my ship.