...life is good...

And...life is good. 

It’s been a rough week, but life is still good.  We have had sickness making the rounds of our family.  Little guy started the festivities with strep throat, daughter brewed a lovely sinus infection, and oldest son got the stomach bug rolling (literally).  The little guy then celebrated his recovery from strep throat by topping it off with a case of what he (far too gleefully) refers to as the “puke-ups.” 

When I took my daughter to the doctor for her sinus infection, I decided to get checked too; since, along with a cold, I had been increasingly short of breath for a few days and could hardly speak without coughing.  The doctor listened to my lungs and informed me that I didn’t have much wheezing because my lungs were not moving air extremely well...I didn’t think to ask if it was bronchitis or the beginning of pneumonia, or what...but whatever it is, I have medicine now and have to say it is awesome to be able to do steps without getting short of breath.  Boys are slowly recovering, daughter is feeling better.  Hubby is hoping to get out of this without any of our germs, but I am guessing he may be in for at least one of our sicknesses before it is all said and done. 

Hubby had a recheck of his eyes from six months ago when he suffered a stroke in the right eye.  The report from the eye doctor was good.  He has not regained any of the lost vision, but the eye itself looks good for what it has been through.  The swelling is down and nothing has gotten worse.  There is still a risk of the same thing happening in the other eye, but he is controlling the factors within his control.

I began writing about depression for two reasons--the first was that it was therapeutic to get it on paper in black and white, and articulate some of the turmoil I was unable to find words for.  There is still pain that no words will ever be adequate for.  The second reason was to give hope to others who may identify with some of my experiences--there is hope, even in what seems to be utter darkness; and time and modern medicine can help a lot.  If I could offer hope to someone else, I wanted to do so.

Now I have reached a point where I am ready to bring these journalings to a close, at least for the time being.  I still struggle, and I probably always will...although I am in a much better place than I have been in the past. 

I do not want this journey to define me, or to become my life work.  Life is so much more than battling through depression.  I have my struggles, but so do we all.  It colors my life and becomes the prism through which I see all aspects of life.  But the colors of life, to me, have been made more beautiful by this prism of pain.  As I have said before, can we ever fully appreciate the sunlight when we have not known the depths of darkness?  While anxiety and depression can make the normal things of life take great effort, it also gives an appreciation for each new day and each accomplishment that I have striven for. 

“Life is pain, Highness.  Anyone who says differently is selling something.” 
    --Cary Elwes, as Westley in the Princess Bride

Life is pain, but it is also full of joy.  Life for me is being a wife, a mom, a productive member of organizations in my community, and a host of other things.  Depression has changed my life, but ultimately has made of me a stronger person.  I strive to do the best I can, and to suffer trials with the “valorous patience” as described in Amy Carmichael’s book.  That is the best I can do; and He who knows my mind and heart knows my strengths and my weaknesses too.  He “remembers that I am dust,” and when I need Him, He is always there.  He has never failed me yet.

I am very grateful to all the people who have encouraged me along the way.  I would love to recognize all of you who have offered kind words and encouragement, but I will not do that publicly on this forum.  Some of you who have followed this blog have shared your struggles with me in confidence, and I want to respect that.  Please know I am honored that you trusted me with your pain.  Some of you have not known the pain I described here, but still assured me of your love and support.  That too meant so very much.  I am blessed with wonderful family and friends and I am so thankful.

-princess brier rose

postscript...
 I love music and throughout my blog I have added links to songs that spoke to my heart through the pain and brought me joy.  Below is one last link, to the song "Wonderful Story of Love."  Simple and acapella, one of my favorite forms of music.  My story is most of all, not my story, but part of the wonderful story of His love for me.  If you take nothing else away from this story, I hope you heard that part.  

...God be with you till we meet again...

-rh

Wonderful Story of Love